How I Let Fear Paralyzed Me For So Long!

Since I can remember, my vision of starting a business has always been to associate with someone else so that we may accomplish our goals together. For many years, I thought it was the only way to conduct business because it seemed safe.

One of my earliest business endeavors was starting a clothing company with a partner, let's call her Lala. The plan was to work with a tailor to produce outfits that we would sell. We bought the sewing machines and at first asked relatives and friends to place orders and buy clothes from us.

There were many reasons why it was a total failure, but let's highlight the most significant ones:

First mistake, neither my partner nor I knew how to sew, so we were dependent on the tailor. Second mistake, he was the only tailor we worked with; there was neither a backup tailor nor a second tailor we could turn to if he unexpectedly became unavailable. and third, Lala and I had no idea what we were getting into. My error was thinking she was knowledgeable about the apparel industry. Instead of listening to her tout her successes, I should have looked at her financial record. After that failure and the associated financial loss, I made the decision to turn the space we had rented for the clothing business into a cosmetic shop. I joined forces with a family member, let's call her Malia. We began modestly and expanded naturally over the course of a few months, and the cosmetics company proved to be a better business choice.

Lala had lost interest in the company at that time, but when things started to look up, she came back and decided to join this new endeavor, arguing that since she had put in the effort and time, she was entitled to a share of the rewards. The biggest error we made was having conflicting ideas about what a business is, how to run a business, and if we could utilize the business fund at its early stages for our personal matters. I already had a lot of warning signs that I disregarded. To cut a long tale short, Malia asked for her initial funding money to be refunded to her and she left the business.

I found myself back to square one, in partnership with Lala. Being fully back she would tell anybody who would listen that she is the reason why our cosmetics industry is successful, even though she was giving away our products to her fictitious friends and romantic partners and they would not pay for the products they took. She refused to record in our debt notebook those purchases, we were almost never able to get that money back and she would not always remember who had taken what. People were gravitating toward her and taking advantage of her by telling her how kind she is, and she believed them at the expense of our business.

A year later, I left the country to pursue my studies overseas and whatever Lala and I agreed to before my departure was never carried out, and in less than two years later, the cosmetic business venture failed too and was forced to close. I received nothing from it, I have no idea what happened to our inventory, and our company bank account was drained. Lala ended up just as broke as she was when I first met her.

After all the aforementioned, one might assume that I had learnt from my mistakes, but instead, I was still interested in conducting business with a partner. As a result, this time around, I approached my siblings, believing that they were the only people in the world I could truly trust. trusting that together we can build a profitable business model in Africa. I was so naïve, Lord and behold, it took me years of stress-related illness for me to realize that if I don't let go of that dream, I'll end up in a hospital or in a graveyard.

We did not share the same vision, and only one person—me—had to perform all the work and there was no accountability or record-keeping when it came to money. Even if you had ideas on how to make money, once we or I invested financially in the new enterprise, nothing would happen. By asking how the money was spent, you were on the verge of launching the World War III.

Not only was I losing money, but my health was also in danger, I was under constant stress, and it was negatively affecting both my physical and mental well-being. I wanted to see us prosper together more than I wanted to take my next breath, but this was never going to happen. When people would rather cry and whine about the lack of money than look for ways to earn it, generate it, and put in the work, you know you're with the wrong tribe. I had to go through a lot of pain, sleepless nights, grief, and tears to realize I had to let go and do things my own.

Recently I read this amazing book titled “In the Company of Women: Inspiration and Advice from over 100 Makers, Artists, and Entrepreneurs” by Grace Bonney and one of the women featured in the book, her name is Veronica Corzo-Duchardt shared her journey and it resonated so much with me. Replying to the following question: Has learning from a mistake ever led you to success?, she said:

"There have been a couple of times in my life where I have relied too much on other people for my own success. I’ve put my eggs in their basket, hoping they could do something for me that I was too afraid to stand up and do for myself. It came from a place of fear and self-doubt; I let

them take the lead, thinking it was something I could never do on my own. Those situations never work out. It took me a while to realize I needed to take responsibility for myself, for my own success and for my own failures. I realized that in order to succeed, I needed to trust myself more, and sometimes that means being more vulnerable. Fear and self-doubt are things I still struggle with at times—we all do—but I’ve gotten a little better each time at jumping in anyway."

Until you come across someone with high intelligence, energy and integrity who shares your vision and has the same fire inside of them, start where you are, start with what you have, and start by yourself. There is always a way to do it without relying on others. I could do it by myself so can you, the fear was all in my head and I kept on feeding it and it kept me in one place for so long.